It’s important to understand and respect a cat’s autonomy and let them determine if and when they want to interact with you. Cats can be particular about the ways they like to be touched and petted. Just because you would like to pet and cuddle them, doesn’t mean they are in the mood. If you attempt to do so anyway, you may end up getting hissed at, swatted, or bitten. By reading their body language, you can learn if and when a cat would enjoy spending time with you and what they would like you to do.
Before attempting to pet a cat, offer your hand or finger or two and let them smell you. They will show you signs that they would like to be pet or not.
Signs a cat would like to be pet:
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Rubbing against you
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Forehead bumps
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Nudging your hand
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Slow blinking
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Purring
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Making biscuits
Signs a cat does not want to be pet:
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Turning away from you
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Tensing up
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Pupils dilating
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Flicking or thumping their tail
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Flattening their ears against their head
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Licking their lips
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Hissing
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Swatting
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Growling
If they look like they want to be pet, pet them for a few seconds and then stop and remove your hand. If they nudge you or rub against you, they are telling you they want more pets. Feel free to continue petting them, checking in with them every so often. However, if they walk away or don’t react, they probably don’t want to be pet anymore so you need to stop.
Most cats like being pet on their chins, cheeks or scratched behind their ears. Many cats don’t like when you reach over their heads to pet them. They see that as a threat, like a predator coming at them from above. Pet their chins or cheeks from below.
Most cats don’t like their bellies, tails, or paws touched. When a cat rolls over and shows you their tummy, it’s called a social roll. This is a sign of trust. They are exposing their most sensitive area because they consider you a safe person. They are not asking for a belly rub. In fact, touching their belly may make them not trust you anymore. Their paws are highly sensitive because they have a lot of touch receptors there so having their feet touched can be overstimulating or uncomfortable.
Additionally, a lot of cats don’t enjoy being picked up, hugged, or held. Cats like to be independent and in control and when they’re being restricted, they feel unsafe.
Very few cats will show aggression out of nowhere. It’s more likely that they were giving hints through their behavior that went unrecognized or ignored.
While we may think cats are so cute and cuddly and we just want to cuddle them and we may even suffer from “cute aggression,” that kind of affection can be overwhelming to a cat. It’s important to let them be in control of their bodies and to respect their boundaries. Wait for the cat to approach you and give consent and then keep cuddle sessions short and sweet.
If you want to interact with a cat that doesn’t want to be pet, you can always play together. Interactive toys are a great way to have fun, give your cat exercise, and strengthen your bond. Give them treats to reward the interaction. This will help them to associate you with good things.
If we want cats to trust us, we have to make them feel safe and in control. In the end, that will help them seek out even more attention and affection from us when they’re ready and on their own terms.
Love, Nala
