Being picked up is not a natural occurrence for a cat and it can feel restrictive to them. Cats like being in control of themselves and their environment and being picked up can make them feel vulnerable. While it may be disappointing to have a cat who dislikes being held when all we want to do is love them and cuddle them, the good news is it is possible to gradually acclimate your cat to being picked up.
Why Cats Might Not Enjoy Being Picked Up:
Natural instinct
Cats prefer to be in control of their environment and being picked up isn’t natural for them. Many cats feel vulnerable and exposed when being picked up. In the wild, cats would experience being picked up if they had been caught by a predator.
Fear
The size difference between a human and a cat can intimidate a cat when they are picked up. Cats may prefer to seek out affection on their own terms.
Negative associations
Cats learn from experience and past unpleasant events like vet visits, baths, nail trims, or forceful handling can make a cat associate being picked up with negative feelings.
Restraint
A cat loses the ability to freely move and explore if someone is holding them, which can be very stressful for them. If your cat doesn’t enjoy being held, they may see cuddling as a form of restraint. Maybe they prefer to sit beside you but not wrapped in your arms. Cats - particularly those who are timid or easily scared by loud noises and sudden movements - likely feel more confident when they can quickly escape any incoming threats or perceived dangers. A hug to a human can feel like a constraint to a cat who values their independence.
Boundaries
Cats like to perch high up where they can survey their environment with ease. Some cats consider it disrespectful if you pick them up when they are capable of climbing themselves.
Lack of socialization
There is a very short window for kittens to be properly socialized, typically recognized as the first three months of their lives. A cat’s tolerance to being touched, cuddled, and picked up will greatly be impacted by how their interactions with humans as a kitten. Cats that have been poorly socialized tend to be more fearful and stressed in new situations than cats that were properly socialized and handled as kittens. Cats that are comfortable with being held were likely socialized to cuddles and affection during their time as a kitten. Conversely, an adult cat that never experienced being held as a kitten may find it unfamiliar or scary.
Pain
If your cat previously enjoyed being picked up, but now they protest, they may be in pain. Cats are experts at hiding pain and illness and a vet visit may be a good idea to make sure they are feeling ok. Since cats learn by experience, even once the pain is gone, they may still be reluctant to be picked up.
Improper handling
Cats like to be in control so improperly handling them or not supporting their body while picking them up can cause them discomfort and anxiety.
How to Get Your Cat Used to Being Held:
It may be possible to retrain a cat so that they forget any negative experiences and begin to associate being picked up with more positive experiences. However, this may not happen since some cats don’t like being picked up and never will. There are plenty of other ways to show affection and love to your cat and strengthen the bond you share - like playing, grooming, petting, or teaching them tricks.
Hold your cat properly
Use both hands. One hand goes around or under their chest to hold the front end securely against your chest and the other hand goes under their back end and their hindlegs. Don’t leave their legs dangling unsupported. Hold them close against you for safety and so that they feel secure.
Respect their boundaries
Understanding your cat’s preferences and respecting their boundaries can lead to a more harmonious relationship. If your cat clearly does not like being picked up, don't force it. It may make them afraid of you or avoid you. If your cat tolerates being picked up, watch for signs of discomfort like flattened ears, a flicking tail, growling, or squirming to get free. This will let you know they are done. Getting close to the ground and releasing the cat slowly can help minimize their stress.
Socialization
If you have a kitten or are fostering kittens, gradually introduce them to being picked up in a positive way. Teach them that being held is comforting by petting them and supporting their bodies properly so they feel secure.
Increase their tolerance
To get your cat accustomed to being picked up, gradually increase their tolerance level. Sit near them and gently pet them. Give plenty of praise and treats. The most important thing is to make sure this is a positive experience for them and always stop before they have had enough. Once they are comfortable with being pet, move onto slowly picking them up for a very short amount of time. Gradually extend the amount of time you can hold them for without them becoming uncomfortable. Always go slow, use a quiet voice, don’t make sudden movements, and offer plenty of treats and praise. Keep sessions very short and if your cat responds negatively in any way, stop the session and try again at another time. Don’t force them to be held if they don’t want to be as this will only create bad memories for them.
Some cats will never enjoy being picked up, while others cats will. If your cat does not like being picked up and cuddled, you can still have a loving relationship with them. Many cats don’t like the restraint of being held or hugged but still enjoy sitting beside you and being pet or groomed.
There are plenty of ways you can show your love for your cat while respecting their boundaries and without putting them through something they dislike. Other ways to bond with your cat include playing with them, grooming them, offering them treats, or petting them.
Love, Nala
